me or Others?

Have you ever felt that disgust for yourself when you aren’t really who you are but a projection of varied expectations of people around you?
The last time I checked with my reality, I was bold, brave, arrogant and detached. Now I’m compliant, a lost soul in the crowd, moving, swaying along with the flow.
In the fight to prove myself, I have forgotten to be myself.
When had this need to please, the sickening need to “fit-in” come into me? I react, I behave, I speak, I laugh, I feel sad, I express as and when expected. And then I feel I’m busy. Of course I’m busy, in complying with so many around me.

The fact that I’m doing everything that shouldn’t concern me is another story but nonetheless I’m working very hard.And the results have been highly effective in eroding my sense of belief that I can be who I want to be. And it has superbly contributed in nipping at my confidence.

How many times do we forgo of feelings that we wish to express, of things we wish to do but don’t. In the name of “other people”.
The choice has always been in my hands. Me or others?