A Walk To Nowhere

As I began to walk, first I wondered about where shall I go to?, how shall I get there, am I allowed to go there?, is it right to go alone?, what will people think watching a girl walking alone?
When I took my first step, I walked towards where people would expect me to go, where it wouldn't seem strange to find me. I saw things people wouldn't mind me looking at. I reacted in a way they would understand.

But as I walked more, the complications stripped me. I no longer looked at things people wanted me to. I didn't care what I was looking at coz it didn't really matter. I stopped walking to places where mob was leading. I went somewhere else.

People started staring at me, started noticing me. It amused me to think that how by just changing the course, taking a road less traveled, made me come in limelight. It startled me when I noticed their reactions; some were amused to see me, some were confused, some curious, some disappointed. One thing was common, I had heads turning; even if they spared a glance.

But that wasn't worth noticing. What grabbed my attention was that I was noticing their reactions, I was interested to notice them more than paying attention to where I was walking to and what I was looking at. When it should be me and my work that should demand my tending; I was losing moments at others.

And as my journey continued, people's reactions were not my concern. I was stripped one more layer. More I walked, more I went basic. I lost track of people around me, of time, of places. All I knew was, with every single breath, I took a step towards where my mind and heart has asked me to.

And with the last step a realization dawned on me. Since I didn't analyse how long I have to walk more and nor I remembered how far I had walked; the journey was a pure pleasure.

Living for oneself is not selfish. When one lives for oneself, only then they live for others. I felt in complete harmony with myself and with universe. I realized when I actually lost touch with the outer world, I could connect to them better. Freedom and peace was absolute.

Just when you feel you have lost your way, take a walk to nowhere!

Life's No Poem: Better Yet!

People often wish for things to turn out to be as they had planned. Everyone has planned out their lives so meticulously that they have no charm for the uninvited changes. Sometimes life's better if you just wait and watch what it unfolds for you...


I wanted it to rhyme
my life like a poem
symmetrical, organized and flowing
but I'm no poet and life's no poem

Had life's incidents
been a choice of words
I'd have shifted; found handful of synonyms
to fit the rhythm I had desired

Words that I could choose
and push into other lines
to make it dance
to the tune I had in mind.
But life's melody
is in sync with time
a tune so contrary,
to what may fancy mine

Giving it an end
that would suit my mood
happy or sad,
rough or smooth.
But flowing like river
life only bends
at turning points; don't force
let it on its own - blend

Tree At The Diversion

I stood at the barrier, the very first day of a new phase in my life. With feet demanding to step forward and eyes glancing back, I had my heart heavy. It wasn’t the fear of entering an unknown domain, wasn’t even the nostalgia of leaving home clogging my throat; it was knowing that I didn’t want to be here and yet I was. It was the fear of not finding a small hope, a little courage to make the transition by choice.

Have you ever traveled through a diversion? When you know, it is for time being that you are walking the unfamiliar road, it is only a matter of time when the diversion would lead you back to the more often traveled route. The world inside the barrier was a diversion. A diversion from the road I had dreamt of traveling.

Where? From where do I find my tiny little hope? Just tell me that this is only a diversion. Just when the despair was about to crack my collected senses, a dew drop fell on my cheek. I would have shrugged it off, but a soft muffled breeze tickled the fluffy tree overhead. The cool shower of dew-drops and calm melody of ruffling of leaves enchanted my otherwise solemn action. And I stood below a billowing tree with sunshine dripping through drenched branches. Bright blooming yellow flowers adorned the branches in volumes, tipping them towards ground. The refreshing greens peeked from here and there. With golden sunrays splitting through them, I felt gloriously lit; from inside.

Standing under the protective cove of the tree at diversion, the sky looked clearer, bluer; the roads smoother and firm under my feet. Everything felt beautiful, in sync with me. The world inside looked promising, offering me a newer vision.

And with my tiny hope found, shining brilliantly in my heart, I said, “Lets explore a new diversion in my life.”

5th Thing That Never Fits

There was a girl who had everything, one can dream of, around her, but at a distance. She only has to spread her arms and embrace it. Yet she feared, feared the loss of it, the fear of growing distance. Being near is also fine with her. She never had anything that close to her since… Well, since.

It all but revolved around her, teasing her, touching her and making her realize how good it will be to have it all near. It would send the wonder smells of spring in her days of autumn. And she would dream of a complete circle. But can she make it happen, can she? Should she reach out and bring her dreams to reality? Should she form her circle of dreams?

Everyone else have it, why can’t she adorn it? So she did spread out her wings. And to her surprise, it came so easily. The very first thing, just by asking, came to her. But now she isn’t content with having others at even a mere distance. She wants it all, all in her circle. But shouldn’t she be satisfied with whatever she has? Isn’t it enough? No, how can it be? Others have it too.

So she went for the second thing. Oh, she had to make an effort this time. Why would it come from asking? She has no right over it. She has to prove her worth, that she deserves having it. That she can do justice to it. A bit of fight, a bit of wait and her circle was adorned with the second thing as well. Oh man, oh man! What a world! She never could have imagined she could have all this. How was she surviving without them? Well, now she won’t have to.

With her circle forming, moving to completion, her courage was soaring and dreams were flying. Her wings dared to explore new domains for her circle. No, she didn’t want conventional, she wants it different from others. She won’t be content with whatever is revolving around her, she would see and experiment and then choose the best. See how her wait has rewarded her with exactly what she has desired. And here she is with her third thing.

Now she won’t have to struggle for the fourth thing, it will be chasing her. So she thought and was soon proven wrong. It was the most difficult to be adorned with. So she geared up again. She wouldn’t lose faith; she would put up a fight worth it. But it won’t come from fighting but from surrender. And that she didn’t know how to do so. But she must learn or else her circle will never be what she had dreamt of. The moment she surrendered, the fourth thing completed her circle!

Just a little space was left open in her circle. And the strong, sensual and dominating scent of a new element teased her senses. Alluring her into believing that it is what she would need to fit into the left out space, the fifth thing. She flew out of her beautiful circle to chase after it. And she did bring it to her circle.

For a while the fifth thing fulfilled everything she had thought of, bringing a new charm to all the others in the circle. But soon, it started to spread, consuming space more than she had. It began to push at others, making them shift away from her. She knew it would make her lose what she had fought for, what she had adored all her life. But how could she let it go. With it, will go the charm, the beauty of everything, the shine.

She knew, and yet she watched the fifth thing blow away a carefully woven circle. And she was left with a bitter lesson. 5th thing that never fits is perfection.

History Repeats Itself

They've deluded, derogated and then detested
and all this have me desensitized
All my emotions were manifested
their actions were never realized

Was I to be kind and forgiving?
after all the pains they've inflicted
It is hell enough to be living
and is least what is predicted

I thought I had risen above
from all the agony of past,
from choking smoke of flaring love
but there i lay, tired and tried, at last

Tyrannical destiny's manoeuvre
has to have me gifted this much
As a sweet souvenir
of my lost love's touch

When someone so close to you
suffers through same agony,
you believe, you've got a role due
repeat yourself, rewind life's history

Strong before, I cried this time
once again on my fatality
I'm a victim of a repeated crime
my heart can't stand double reality

Interpreting Girl's Love

She loved with an innocence of a child
never weighed her words,
never thought they could be embroiled
into anything but song of birds.
Senselessly sweet
Carelessly tweeted

Her carefree expressions of love
moody anger or a naughty kiss,
never thought could be a shove
to your supreme patience.
Love-born
Shamelessly shown

Now they are twisted and turned
into a meaning to fit your needs,
butterflies that once flew are now churned
lying lifeless at the stake of her creed.
Beautiful-winged
Death-twined

Once so natural; baring her soul
to care, to love and to live for you,
now corrupted and conditional
expects more of its own dues.
Sparkling soul
Leisurely lulled

Eyes that once brilliantly shone
in the light of childish innocence,
now two hardened stones
only reflects worldly sense.
Mystifying woman
Forcefully brazen.

Answers That Do Not Solve

I used to believe if you love someone with all your heart, doubts disappear with one look into their eyes. And now I’m standing at the verge of my dying relation and all I want is few answers. Answer to few whys and whats. Today I’m not convinced with his simple apologies and guilty sad eyes. I want to know why, why he had been cruel to me. As if reasons will save our love, bring new hope. I doubt that. When my heart itself has lost trust in his promises, when his pain is no longer the center of everything, then how could answers make any difference as to what I feel? I need them to be able to justify my leaving; rather, in believing that I had been right to leave.
This ‘why’ has taken away my peace, my trust and my ability to love him unconditionally. It tortures me, instigates me to reminisce unfortunate moments. It has made my vision so obscure to see beyond few mistakes, to feel past few hurts. Why can’t I just make peace with the warm and beautiful memories? How can one overlook the cherished moments?

The need to know the answers is the strongest driving force in man. That’s what makes us intelligent. More intelligent I become, more reasons I gather. I can now branch out all the logical pathways from a problem leading to a solution. I thought it would give me stability. It did. It gave me the stability of my mind. But I never thought it would also bring the stagnancy in my heart. Knowing everything, analyzing it has robbed me of the charm of living. It took away the innocence in unraveling the little troubles of life.
When I was a kid, I fell off my bicycle. I skinned my knees and all I knew was that I couldn’t ride then coz it hurt. And when one day it didn’t hurt anymore, I took my bicycle out and rode it with same thrill down the lane. Since I could forget the pain of bruised knees, since I didn’t sit down to anticipate the possibility of getting hurt again; I could ride my bicycle again. I could relive the moment with same innocence; I could trust again; I wasn’t bothered with the answers of why-it-did and what-if-again.
But now since my brain has developed beautiful powers of remembrance and recall, I can look past the magical moment of being in love, knowing how it had sliced my heart once and how it can do so again.
Knowing all the answers may not necessarily solve everything. Let life unfolds itself on its own. Flow along; it’s better than sitting on the banks!

Being a Culprit

Knowing yourself can also be an excruciating experience when you encounter faces like selfishness and cruelty. You blanket it in layers of vivid reasons and feelings, bring your conscience to believe who you are is what you should be. Yet deep within a voice cracks the loosely build wall of fake reasons - a voice of your consciousness. It calls you to do the right but do you have courage, courage to choose the right. It is so easy to look the other way, to ignore, especially when the right brings pain. You are willing to let the blame fall on fate, circumstances or even other people. You want to believe that you hadn't really wanted to be mean. But the truth is you had actually meant it, it's just that taking its responsibility means acceptance of your fault. And who's upto it?

It is so easy to acknowledge pain in you, to recall when you are hurt, what it means to be betrayed. Has anyone ever looked at the other side of the coin, of inflicting pain on others, of knowing that you are the culprit of hurting someone? You know how it feels to be ignored, to have your love and care neglected but you do not give a second thought when you choose to please yourself above one's love and loyalty.

Being a culprit by choice is self-deploring. What is even more disgraceful is having a heart to continue feeling so. After all, we all are human. We all are authorized to make mistakes. Yes, we are. But equally we should learn the art of forgiving when someone else hurts you, knowing you can be on the other side as often.

From Crust To Core

Appearances are often deceiving
dark and obscure is Its clout
no space for perceiving
and nothing flows out

Yet openly i give and accept
none has seen all the way through
only what you see is what you get
rest drowning in my emotional hues

From the most dense forest
to the clear sky open fields
my core is at rest
breathing in the guarded shield

Bubble that encase my core
is tumbling in outer turmoil
waves of anger and confusion strike the shore
yet firmly rooted it remains in its soil

The vacuum I've build around
keeps it safe in its own heaven
away from all the worldly sound
I have my core yet maiden